Taking Leave

Saying goodbye to Geoff was the hardest thing I've ever done, even more than the last time I left. I thought that maybe it would be easier this time, being three years older, stronger, and tougher. I was wrong. It wasn't nearly enough to make up for being in love three years longer, three years more deeply. 

We went for a motorcycle ride shortly before I left. In the short time Geoff's been biking and the still shorter time I've been a passenger, I've come to love it-the thrill of motion, the chance to communicate without words. On that ride, I felt in my body the truth of an obvious solution: the way to make the best of this year was to fully inhabit it. I couldn't stand spending the year consumed with missing Geoff, but I can do it consumed with living what's in front of me. 

I might have more to say about the trip later. There was a lot of emotion and a fair number of funny anecdotes. 

But for now, I'm just here-really here.  

Hamburg Part I

On the way to my hostel, I was greeted by a good omen: prayer flags fluttering a couple of stories up, strung completely across the street.

While checking out the Elbe, I found all sorts of pretty things. This one's for Geoff.

Some people peacefully sitting and watching the Elbe.

A tour bus, of all the boring things to take a picture of.  But this one was specially to me, because on my first day in Germany, I saw a tour bus from the city I still love.

Some views of the Fischmarket from a distance. 

As I walked through the city, I realized that it felt surprisingly familiar...in fact, that it reminded me specifically of Brooklyn. This is the building that first made me realize just what I was remembering. 

Ain't that the truth.

My (Entirely Legal) Graffiti

The other day, I told my boyfriend, Geoff, that I've always kind of wanted to do some graffiti but of course never have, since that would be illegal.  His response was that I would be welcome to put some on his car.  (As you will no doubt be astonished to hear, the car in question is not very valuable.)  

So today, this happened.

I printed out a stencil...

Then I traced it on to stiff plastic...

Cut it out with an exacto knife...

Scrubbed the car a little, since as you can see, it was a bit scruffy...

Attached my stencil and masked off the area to avoid making a mess...

Did a first and second coat...

And voila!

Not quite as crisp an image as I would have liked, but I'm still happy.

It just goes to show, with a little creativity and a lovely boyfriend, you can find a way to do things you thought you never could.

Yay, I tagged something! Very carefully and with the owner's permission!

;)

6 Days

"There are years that ask questions, and years that answer." 

-Zora Neale Hurston

I had lunch with my mother and sister the other day, and we considered the question: for each of us, has it been a year that asked, or that answered?

For my sister, it's been a year of answers to questions large and small, of quiet answers to important questions and resonating answers to modest questions.  My mother has focused more on her loved ones' questions and answers this year.  

And for me?

Like music, some quotes speak to the heart immediately, while others take on meaning over time.  Zora Neale Hurston's quote touched me from the first moment it sunk it, but it's another, older quote that has shown me the way I want to interpret it.

"Genius is eternal patience." Attributed to Michelangelo, that meant very little to me when I first encountered it.  I have never chipped away marble to free the shape within the stone.  It didn't seem relevant to my life.

But I have had a year of questions, and I feel the shape of another year of questions approaching.  And slowly, I have learned to feel the genius in the kind of patience it takes to let things unfold.

I'm leaving for Germany in six days.  I'm excited to make the best of my year, to be active in making it everything I would want it to be.  

But I'll also do my best to be patient, to give space for questions and for answers to shape themselves. 

My Favorite Thing in Fiction

...ist eine Enthüllung, die bedeutend wirkt. A revelation, a moment that completely shifts the meaning of what happened before or that suddenly cuts to the bone.  This type of moment seems to show up in the oddest places. The end of the movie The Artist is a great example. Terry Pratchett is a master at this type of moment. Dorothy Dunnett was as well-there are a few great examples in every book of the Lymond Chronicles.
     I never know what to call this beat in writing.  It's one of those you-know-it-when-you-see-it things. And it has many different forms. Terry Pratchett tends to write this moment as a shift in the balance of power. (Frequently when Granny Weatherwax goes from seeming beaten to beating the tar out of someone deserving.) In The Artist, it changes the motive behind the main character's choices. And in Dorothy Dunnett's writing, it can be...well, anything. Time after time, a shifting perspective on a series of events completely changes a character's morality or lack thereof.
     It's tricky though, because when as author/director/what have you tries to create this type of shift and fails, it tends to be excruciating. The Elegance of the Hedgehog had an ending that didn't just disappoint me, but actively made me angry. Without spoiling the ending, let's just say that as I see it, the author didn't want to have too happy of an ending, so she tried for this type of perspective shift with a dramatic event.
      But when they do work, there are few things in fiction more satisfying. I recently finished reading War and Peace (more about that later), and it had a fair number of them.  (It would be fair to say that the two main themes of War and Peace are the evolution of identity and that Napoleon was an overrated jerk.) As I work on my list of great books, I'm looking forward to finding more of them...and maybe I'll even figure out what to call them.

A Lady and a Scholar

...should be well read.  And I mean, very well read. I've always loved the Lord Peter Wimseys and Francis Crawfords of the literary world, characters that could only be written by a truly erudite author. Ever since I could really read, I've tried to chip away at The Important Books.  (This has actually backfired a bit, since reading Anna Karenina at fourteen isn't likely to end with much of an understanding of Tolstoy.) In fact, I think I'm going to end up rereading everything I read in high school for that reason...with the possible exception of Vonnegut, who I will reread because he's fantastic.

Recently, I've started trying to create a list of everything I want to read, a sort of personal canon. It's slow going.  For one thing, I want this to be truly encyclopedic.  For another, it's hard to make certain decisions.

Take Rabelais, for example.  (Actually, please take him far away....I haven't gotten much good out of him.  I started reading Gargantua and Pantagruel at the recommendation of one of my favorite professors.  It's also on numerous Great Books lists such as this one. Why?  I'm not entirely sure.  Imagine The Canterbury Tales, but filthier, more ridiculous, and less coherent.  I'm chipping away at it, but it's slow going. It may also be a case where it has to be explained to me before I can appreciate it, which is embarrassing, but oh well.

Next on the list: War and Peace. So far, I've been finding the 'war' parts boring and the 'peace' parts interesting.  Here's to becoming a more educated person!

By the way, I always love comments...particularly of more things I should read, Great Books or not.

The Top Ten things I Learned Working in a Halloween Store

Since finding work in my field is taking longer than I had hoped, I took a job working at a Halloween store a few weeks ago.  It's been an interesting ride.  I've never worked retail before, but I can only imagine that my store, which sprang mushroom-like out of nothingness, was full of madness, and will soon disappear, was a unique experience.  These are the top ten things I learned working for a Halloween store.

Consider yourself warned!  Some of the things I learned would be R-rated for sexual content, disturbing material, and deeply questionable taste.

10.) Zombie baby props.  They are awful, and they are everywhere.  Probably because no one wants to buy them.

9.) Every men's costume can and probably will be named after a penis related pun.  My pick for the most egregious: "Dr. Howie Feltersnatch".

8.) Cultural sensitivity takes a break on Halloween.  If someone wants to dress up like a Mexican, Asian, or Native American stereotype, they'll find it incredibly easy to buy a ready-made costume.  Also a German, Scottish, or French stereotype.  Really, if it simplifies an entire culture to one recognizable and probably insulting attribute, you can find it.

7.) Have some faith in humanity: Jersey Shore costumes didn't sell well at all.

6.) But don't have too much: two of my picks for most offensive costume, "Department of Erections" (a prison jumpsuit with a fake penis!?!) and "Wet T-Shirt Contest" (complete with enormous false breasts), both sold.

5.) There is no limit to how many variations of vampire, witch, and zombie costumes you can have.

4.) Slutty cop was by far the most popular woman's costume.

3.) Ninja was the most popular costume for boys.

2.) Variations on 'princess' were the most popular for girls, but then, half of the girl's section is variations on princess costumes anyway.

And the number one most inalterable fact...

1.) If you are a woman and you buy a costume from a Halloween store, it's not going to cover your upper thighs or your cleavage.